Sometimes I thimk I have a gift...at least I think it is a gift. Or maybe I just think way too much of myself. I think I am like the Counselor Deanna Troi from Star Trek, the Next Generation. ( Counselor Deanna Troi, a half-human/half-alien (Betazoid) empath with the ability to read emotions and sense what is happening around her. "Deanna is also a very wise person...) There have been times in my life where I think (and hope) that my ability as an empath has helped someone else. I think that I am able to tell (fairly accurately) what someone's mood is.
The problem is that I also take on the mood of the other person way too easily. If Dave is in a bad mood, then it is hard for me to distance myself and let him get himself out of the bad mood. I remember Mindy and I talking about this "ability" to take on the mood of others. We both lamented that it was hard to learn to recognize when we were taking on the feelings of the other person and getting upset ourselves. This also is why I cry so easily at movies and when reading books. I have trouble watching violent movies because I can sometimes physically feel pain when watching. I have noticed lately that when I see someone on TV fall on concrete or something like that, that a jolt goes through my body as if my body just fell also. It is a very uncomfortable feeling, although the jolt doesn't last long, so it is tolerable. I have not heard of anyone else having this same thing happen to them.
I have been able to help people with their relationships with other people, because I can sometimes articulate to them what the other person is feeling or thinking.
Just recently someone was talking to me about the child whose mother just recently died. They said that this 7-year-old boy was not talking and was having problems at school. His mother died the day after his 7th birthday after a year of fighting cancer. He is the oldest of the three children and his father doesn't want to talk about his wife's death. He wants to move on. The person who I was talking to has been asked to talk to the son.
Now maybe some of what I am going to tell you, you will tell me that it is just common sense and that I didn't say anything that anyone else would have told her. If that is the case, please do comment about this. Because if I do not have a special talent, but just an ordinary human response, then I need to know, so that I can stop thinking I have a gift or stop using my imagination, if that is what I am doing.
While she was talking, I sort of could imagine what the boy looked like...I still feel like I can when I think about his situation....although I doubt I will ever know what he looks like. But it seemed so clear to me immediately that he is mad at his mother for leaving him. I think that he might have made a birthday wish to make his mother feel better and then she died the next day. He feels anger and hopelessness that his wish did not come true. Also, he is angry at himself for being mad at her because everyone around him is saying how wonderful she was and how much they are going to miss her, but he is mad because she isn't around to take care of him. All his friends have a mother, but he doesn't.
On top of that he is confused about what happened to his mother. He saw her body in the coffin and then the coffin was put in the ground. He is scared for her.
Lastly, his father doesn't want to talk about his mother. He hasn't really told his son that, but the boy can sense that his father doesn't want to talk and that he shouldn't ask questions.
Well, the person I was talking with is going to try to talk to the boy and will let me know if any of my insight is valid. I think it will do the boy good to have someone to listen to him, especially if he feels he can say anything and not have that person get mad at him. I gave her some suggestions to start him talking and I hope that all goes well with them.
4 comments:
I know that those are pretty common feelings for children dealing with the death of a loved one. You gave her good advice. The best thing you can do for a grieving child is validate their feelings and let them talk freely when they are ready. Children deal with grief very differently than adults do, and as a result they are often misunderstood.
Also, children who have lost a parent feel especially alienated around their fellow classmates because most of them still have both parents. I would suggest getting the boy plugged into some type of support group. It's great for him to have an adult to talk to, but even better is if he could see that he isn't the only kid who has lost a parent. Support groups are great because they allow the kids to feel normal, surrounded by other kids who know exactly how they feel.
Ele's Place here in Lansing is a great resource for children's grief counseling. They might be able to recommend a program in whatever area the boy lives in.
Sorry, that was a really long comment. I volunteer at a kids' grief camp every year so I kinda have a soft spot in this area. :)
That is what I thought. That I was just telling her things that anyone might think of. But you make a good point about the grief counseling. In fact, she was given a contact for a group for the boy to join, so I will encourage her to encourage the father to let the young man get involved with the group.
I was surprised at the emotions that I was feeling at the time while talking to her. But I know that I made her feel better and hopefully gave her the encouragement she needed to deal with the family at this difficult time.
I don't necessarily think just anyone would know these things. It takes some life experience and wisdom. Most of what I learned was through my volunteer training and from spending time with the kids at camp.
You are a very feeling person, Deb! That, in itself, is a gift. A gift you are able to share with others and you are able to throw out ideas because of it!!
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